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Stupid Policies

This is a letter I sent to World Gym after they wouldn't let me cancel my membership over the phone. The only thing I changed were the names to protect the innocent.

Dear World Gym,
My name is John Q. Smith and my membership id is XXXXXX. I called your
customer service line to cancel my membership, and was told I need to send
in an email with my reasons for the cancellation. I am more than happy to
comply, and here are my reasons for wanting to cancel my membership:

1) I am a lazy slob who doesn't really like to work out, and I am tired of
paying for a gym membership, which only adds a financial hit to my guilt.

2) It seems that people work out for the following reasons: to meet members
of the opposite sex, look good, feel better, live longer, or train for a
sport. I am married, therefore have no need to meet members of the opposite
sex. I may be lazy, but hey I still think I look great; my wife says that I
do. I have always felt really good, so I don't feel the need to work out
for that. Just changing my diet will make me live longer, and the only
sport I really play is Grand Theft Auto 3. To date I have not seen a PS2 at
one of your fine gyms, and therefore cannot "train" for GTA3.

3) The other members of the gym that I see are hulking giants that can curl
my body weight with one arm. Very intimidating I must say. To be fair they
have always been nice when I have talked with them, but my feeble ego just
cannot take it.

I thank you for your time, and hope you enjoyed the money I have sent you
over the past year. If you have any questions please feel free to email me
at mail@mail.mail. I would also appreciate it if you would let me know
when the cancellation goes through.

John Q. Smith

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